We can’t seem to get our babies from the cradle to elementary school without losing them to needless tragedy. Not too long ago, we could place our tiny tots on a school bus, wave goodbye, and never doubt we’d see them later in the day. It’s not that way anymore.

Something disturbing is happening in our society. I could mention the issues with gun laws, mail-order ammunition, firearm security in the home, or tighter supervision with guns. But these issues are merely symptoms of a larger problem. I believe tighter gun laws are warranted. We can’t ignore Australia’s success. Since Australia(1) tightened their gun laws, there hasn’t been a mass murder in 18 years.

Until the gun law issue is resolved, I searched the internet for understanding to the mass killings. I discovered a common thread in each incident dating as far back as the Columbine massacre. Each killing was driven by anger. I asked, “What makes a young man so angry that he is driven to kill?”

The last thing I want to do is unfairly judge the parents of these young killers. But it is clear something within the family unit is broken. These young men feel isolated, unloved, angry, are prey to bullies, and are unable to communicate their fears and anxieties to someone they trust. Matter of fact, they don’t feel as if they have anyone they can trust. They have lost the support of both their family unit and their community.

But my research couldn’t give me the answers to the following questions:

There is an unmistakable order to the life of humans and the animal kingdom. If you rearrange that order, you will encounter a host of problems. To partially prove my point, let’s look at a report by BBC News.

In a BBC News’(2) report dated February 14, 2000, it states that in an effort to control the elephant population in Kruger National Park, conservationists removed several young male elephants and placed them in a game park with rhinos. Soon after, park rangers discovered 36 rhinos, including a rare black one, had been slaughtered and they couldn’t, at first, determine how or why. One park ranger later reported he witnessed an elephant killing a rhino in the park. When conservationists placed the young male elephants back with adult male elephants, the aggressive behavior stopped immediately.

I do not in any way claim to be an expert in animal behavior science, but when you read an account like the BBC News report, you wonder: if male bonding is that important to elephants, how much more important can bonding be between a son and a father?

Over time, social ideas have changed the way we approach raising our children. One-parent families have become the norm. Our need to avoid confusion with a former spouse/mate has driven us to sever contact with fathers (or mothers). Some fathers don’t mind this arrangement because it gives them a way out of the drama. But what both parties fail to realize is the problem is much bigger than they are and, more importantly, their lives are secondary to that of the child. Parents must understand they blew their chance at happiness together. Now, they must look beyond themselves and work together to ensure the safety, happiness, and welfare of the child.

There is no denying the commonality of these mass killings. These young men are angry, isolated from society, and in some cases, mentally ill. If we don’t help them find an outlet for their anger, and find a way to replace that anger with love, these massacres will happen with much more frequency.

I cannot begin to understand or imagine the burden these killers’ parents must feel. I’m sure all of them are still wondering how and why these massacres occurred. Counseling is ongoing for a great number of them. The victims are suffering even more.

In order to avoid such tragedies from becoming our own, we need to heavily invest in the rearing of our children, regardless of our marital status. It means:

If you were one of these killers’ parents and you had all the power in the world, what would you do differently?

More gun laws alone won’t keep an angry, ill-nurtured child from acting on his impulse to kill. There’s an old saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Let’s all get involved in helping parents nurture our children back to good mental and emotional health. Children are our biggest asset and our only legacy. Love them. We’ve only got one chance at this. Let’s get it right.