Years ago, in my infancy of writing, I got hammered numerous times for telling my story instead of showing it.
My arrogant self thought I knew what that meant, so I tried again and presented my chapter to a critique group, only to get hammered again and again.
No one likes criticism. We want to walk around with high expectations of warm fuzzies all day long. That’s fanatastical. An illusion. Unreal. And because I didn’t want to deal with reality, I read into my work what I wanted it to say, not what it actually said.
After much bruising and bantering back and forth, I decided to tuck my tail between my legs and go on an avid search of this mysterious premise described as “show don’t tell.”
In those early days, I kept everything—handwritten notes, straggly notes, gum paper with new words scribbled on it, index cards, old books. When going through all of these pieces of paper, I stumbled across an old version of a story I wrote that I had, for some reason, set aside.
Fresh on mind that day was this premise of “show don’t tell.” And as I read through my manuscript one paragraph at a time, I began to see the error of my ways.
Within that old version of my story were numerous gems you and I would normally call a rough draft filled with errors and poor writing techniques. It was a gem of a piece to me because those pages represented my hard work that didn’t have a chance to see the light of day had I sent it to a publisher.
It’s here where I began my metamorphic change as a writer. I methodically sat and rewrote every sentence that explainedmy scenes and began to see how often my characters’ actions told the reader nothing about what was really going on. You were left with no idea how mad or how disgusted or how tense the scene was in the heat of the moment because the writing did too much describing—telling—that, in the end, did very little to evoke emotions.
If what you’ve written doesn’t heighten a reader’s emotions in a particular scene, you are more than likely telling / informing / explaining too much to readers. When, in fact, you need to show them. And once you show them, you will always receive a powerful response from them in return.
If you’ve ever struggled with the “show don’t tell” premise, here is an example of a sentence that might help you understand how to spot the problem with telling.
Notice in the sentence doing the telling that you’re left feeling like you were just informed. You don’t feel attached to what has been said. You don’t have an emotional reaction to this information one way or the other.
Telling:
Lucy Dobbs looked at Christopher as if he had two heads mounted on his shoulders. She gasped before she gave him a piece of her mind.
Showing:
Christopher yelled, “You’re a cheat. You slut.” He looked her up and down and snarled.
Christopher was a liar and would forever be a liar. When he finished his condescending rant, Lucy Dobbs stood still, her mouth agape, her eyes wide. Then she stepped toward him, her shoes pounding the hardwood floor, firm, slow, and deliberate. She stopped, inches from his face, placed one hand on her hip, pointed to the door with her other, and told him, “Get out!”
When you write sentences that show your readers what’s going on in the heat of the moment, you quickly come to a conclusion about the matter because you feel something, you take a stand, you take sides, and your pulse races.
That’s showing!
K.M. Weiland is a very knowledgeable acclaimed author who publishes writing guides, historical and speculative fiction, and who is also a writing mentor. She has several articles and a video on “show don’t tell.” Here are links to her articles:
KMWeiland-Understanding Show vs. Tell
WritersHelpingWriters Show Don’t Tell
I could bore you with numerous examples, but it’s best you extract a sentence from your own manuscript and rearrange it in a similar fashion as you see here and on Weiland’s website. In case I’m not clear here, follow K.M. Weiland’s lead. She’s sharp! When you’re done transforming your own sentences, you’ll witness a more vivid depiction of what’s going on in your scene and without a doubt feel like you’re standing or sitting right beside the character and witnessing what’s going on firsthand.
Happy Writing!
Donna B. Comeaux
Author and Poet